I’m having a few strange days. My head doesn’t want to settle down and focus on one thing at all. I sit down to journal and find that I need to move on and do something else. I want to write a blog post but can’t swing my mind round to give it some attention. I know I need to pray and read the Bible but … I don’t know why, I just can’t.
I’m not distracted by any particular thing – I’m just distracted. I’ve not really been short of time either – my son has napped long and quietly.
And none of this would matter if I wasn’t involved in leading a service on Sunday about noticing when God is working in my life. By Sunday I need to come up with three short examples of being aware of God’s presence so that we can teach people how to give very short testimonies of what he is doing in the here and now.
So I know what I need to do is to sit still for a bit, ask the Holy Spirit to come and show me places where he is active in my life. Then I need to listen. But I’m struggling to do even that. When I sit down my eyes suddenly feel heavy and I just want to nap. It’s so strange – I know that when I do manage it I will be blessed. I will hear from God, or I will experience the ‘sheer silence’ of 1 Kings 19:12 (NRSV). Either of those things will be the balm my absent mind needs.
And now time is getting short there is extra pressure. It’s Friday night and tomorrow is busy. And now it comes to it, I realise that this isn’t about me. It’s a battle. A battle for my mind and my heart, and all the hearts of those that will be there on Sunday. Let’s get serious.
A quick search for ‘peace’ looking for a particular verse brought up this one instead:
The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet.
This is so incongruous it made me laugh out loud. Well, it isn’t about me after all. Time to dive in and ask for supernatural help.