Letting go

My little boy is now 13 months old.  He’s cheerful, lively, funny, an excellent eater and sleeper, and very handsome indeed.  But unlike most of the other babies in his NCT group, he isn’t walking.  He was one of the first to walk holding on to my hands, and he has been cruising around the furniture for months.  But he just won’t let go.

If I let go of one of his hands to try and make him walk just holding on to one, he crumples into a heap on the ground and whines.  He never lets go of the furniture to stand without holding onto something.  He never even begins to try standing up on his own in the middle of the room.  He just won’t let go.

And here’s where I have to acknowledge that I am an impatient (and competitive) mother.  At every step of the journey so far I’ve wanted to be at the next one.  I longed for him to roll over.  I looked forward with anticipation to the moment where he could sit up and play with toys without me having to hold him.  I was desperate for him to start on solids.  I was so envious of the other mothers in my groups whose babies started crawling first.  And now I long for him to walk.  And run.  And talk.  And eat without creating mess.  And be toilet trained.

Why do I do that?  It’s like I’m wishing away every stage of his childhood as I get to it.  I’m looking ahead to each thing coming up in the future (at this point our holiday in the Lake District) and hoping that he’ll be able to do the next thing in time for that.

Maybe it’s me that needs to let go.  I need to let go of my impatience and enjoy where he’s at right now.  This is a priceless time, and I have a beautiful, affectionate kid.  I am truly blessed.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Lord, I have so much to learn – so much of you to absorb into my character.  Thank you for your grace.

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